Nobody will ever go as hard as me. While you’re crying at a booth because your date stood you up, I’m smack dab in the middle of the bar downing perfect margaritas and deepthroating mozzie sticks. The reason you never see anymore goth servers are because they’re already hanging out with me. I can do 4 rails off of the bathroom floor with only my two nostrils. I once overdosed on heroin in the kitchen twice in one night and still had time to drink 12 dollar vodka cranberries before the EMTs arrived. If you think you can out dollar bill me, then think again, I just got $137 in tips from working the glory hole in the men’s bathroom. I will show up to the Bee’s butt naked and still drink more than your pathetic stomach can hold before they have a chance to politely imply that I leave the restaurant. Yes there’s nothing like a good night at your neighborhood bar & grill right after beating your wife for burning your pop tarts. Maybe if she listened the first time she could be here with me. But it would be redundant either way. she would only fall victim to cardiac arrest within mere minutes of trying to go hard at such a level that I have mastered. Goodnight virgins. I have 13 hours ahead of me that I need to forget.